hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
