You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
