this beer tastes like vomit already
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
