and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
