K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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