Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
