Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
