You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize