Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
send nudes
from the living room?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
