i jhust puked up my retainher.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
