Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
