I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Randomize
