i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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