Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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