I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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