too bad you live with your parents still
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
