Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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