Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
