did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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