i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize