I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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