a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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