oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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