Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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