Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
