So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
