Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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