im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
