Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
