I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
