ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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