How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
