some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
