You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize