in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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