Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
