Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
