Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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