This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize