I wish i was in the wii world.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize