Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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