I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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