Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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