So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
