Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize