Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
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