sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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