my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
