I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
