A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
420 ftw
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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