Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
