hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
