I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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