There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
