I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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