I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
i think my cat just said my name.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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