I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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