Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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