I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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