I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
