So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize