Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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