I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
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