Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
